If you are in Abuja or have visited Abuja, it is likely that you know Wuse Market. This market is located at the center of Abuja. Every commercial bus and cars all converge there as their last bus stop from various suburbs around Abuja.
Normal markets in Abuja are known mainly for buying and selling activities but Wuse Market is not a normal market. It is one of the most organized market in Abuja and is said to be reserved for the rich who are not fond of shopping in malls. This market is also known for the sale of trendy and glamorous items. Although buying and selling goes on there, there are other interesting activities that bring people there.
On this beautiful Saturday afternoon, I needed to buy some makeup products from the market, so I dressed up in jeans, flora top, beautiful huge black handbag, dark sunglasses, hair on point, makeup on fleek and beautiful sandals, if you see me ee, hmmmmmm! Ladies kept asking, “sis who did ur makeup?”, “babe wear did you buy ur hair?”, “Hello dear, did you buy ur sandals here?”... The yeye Igbo boys were psst-ing me, some said the usual “my colour”, “my size” to me, I ignored them. Well that's by the way.
The real drama began when I entered a shop to buy the makeup products and noticed a guy who also entered the same shop and I thought “a guy in a makeup shop?” Then I remembered that guys render makeup services too. I bought a lipstick and compact bronzer, left the shop and entered another shop to buy a knife. Coming out of this shop, I saw the same guy I notice in the makeup shop standing by the door of the knife shop, fidgeting with his phone. It was odd seeing him in the same shops as I was at the same time but I thought nothing of it.
Like I said, when you go to Wuse Market, you just don't go to buy stuff, you also go for sightseeing and browsing because there are lots to be seen. After buying makeup and knife, my tour began. I stopped by the ladies who make wigs and from there I strolled into a gift shop. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed the same guy loitering opposite the shop I was in. "Again?" I thought. I was sure he was stalking me. "Why is this guy following me up and down na? If he was a toaster, shebi by now he would have approached me?" I asked myself. I became suspicious and decided to look him over.
I pretended to be checking a gift located in a position that would allow me take a good look at him and he wouldn't notice. He looked 27 or 30, 5.7ft, chocolate skinned, well carved haircut, slim, sleek, not necessarily handsome,... just good looking. He had on blue jeans trouser, folded long-sleeved checkered blue and brown-like shirt, well-polished brown moccasin shoes. He looked like a guy one can rightly say has a permanent smile and a dirty heart, a kind of guy you would want to kiss and at the same time you wouldn't want to, a kind of guy who would shake hands with opposite sex and hold on a few seconds longer, yes that kind of guy.
I stared too long, he turned and we locked eyes awkwardly. He said "hi" and I moved out of the gift shop towards him and he also advanced towards me with outstretched hand. He took my hand and refused to let go. I said "hello" and asked “have you been stalking me?” while pulling my hand free from his sweaty hand. He let go and said “yes ma’am” with a smile that can win any Smiling Competition in Africa, (ma’am ke?)
“Why? Do I know you?”
“You don’t know me but you would like to know me”
“Really? Why would I want to know you?” I said puzzled.
“Well, I have actually been stalking you since you entered the market”
“Ehen?”
“I thought I should express how I felt immediately I saw you.” He said with his head bent sideways in an unholy angle with the same Smiling-Competition smile.
I was even more puzzled because he said this like he was expecting me to take the lead. This is Africa, men take the lead. Seeing that I was not reacting as expected as I had a little frown on my face, he said “Ma’am I want to introduce myself to you”
“Go on”
“I’m Alex, a graduate and I am 28”
“Okay!”
“Well, I like you and I was wondering if you would need my services” he said and straighten his head.
I walked briskly away and he followed me.
"Chinekenna moo! Efuemo ooo! A gigolo? Who did I offend?" I thought. Well it had been said that they look out for ladies that they feel have money to spend on them, but I was just dressed like a regular Wuse Market shopper, no extras, nothing to signal wealth at all. "Or was it my hair or the glasses, my handbag, what?" I thought some more.
He knew I understood what he meant from my facial expression before I walked away, I was shocked. I was because I had not experienced such before even though I had heard ladies recount their experiences in the same market. My brain churned, what do I do? How do I address what was before me? It was a serious situation because he was trying to hold my hand as I walked. I moved away from his reach and walked into another shop? He waited outside determined.
While in the shop I thought more on how best to handle the situation but wisdom eluded me. I came out of the shop and he followed me immediately. I turned around and sternly told him I was not interested in any service he was rendering.
“But you have not tried me dear” (dear now?)
“Tried you how?”
“Eeh u know now, just try me, I promise you won’t regret it”
“Regret what?”
“Having me na” he said while trying to hold my hand again.
Then I remembered you my dear readers and my unsolicited obligation to bring you the juiciest and most sensational stories there are. So I smiled and asked if we could sit down and talk. Trust me, I was certain I would milk him of every thing I could use in fueling my readers’ excitement. (Una go pay for the money wey I spend that day).
“Sure, where did you pack?”
"Pack ke? I get motor ne?" I thought
“I didn’t bring the car today”
“Okay”
“We could sit in that eatery there” I said pointing to the eatery in the market
We walked to the eatery, he tried holding my hand, I did not resist (oh things I do for my readers). Inside the eatery, we sat opposite each other, I made sure of that because I wasn’t sure if he would keep his hands to himself and I also wanted to see all his expressions while we talked.
Like the wise girl that I am, I refused to order for anything order than bottled water for myself knowing that I have to pay for anything we take there, they say gigolos expect women to pay their bills. He had no choice but to order for water too. Of course it would have looked awkward if I was drinking water and he was downing pounded yam and nsala.
When we got our water and settled in, I said, “So what did you say you can do for me?”
“My queen, because I’m well endowed, I can make you see me like a god”
Chineke! What a line! I was quite, staring at him and smiling encouragingly.
“I will be your lover boy”, I will be at your beck and call, anytime you need me, just call me, in your house, a hotel or anywhere you prefer, I will treat you with respect and will also be your companion”. This proposal was replete with hand gestures and said in low tone.
“Wow!” I said with my eyes really wowing.
“Yes! And trust me, I am a very good lover”. “I will do you in such a way that you will leave your man and be with only me”. He said the word “do” a bit louder with protruding month and gentle thrusting of fist towards me. “You would want me everyday” he added.
“But I’m not sure I want to leave my man” I said maintaining my i-may-be-interested smile.
“Well, you are saying that because you have not tested me”
“Okay let’s assume I’m interested, how does it work?”
“Well, you take care of my needs just like I will take care of you like you have never been before” he said salaciously.
“You mean give you money or buy you gifts and in return, you satisfy me in bed?”
“Eeeeeeeeee yes”
“Okay. But I would like to know if you have experience”
“I do have experience. When I was in school in the West, I took care of 2 lovely ladies and they still call me till today, it’s just that I want to try new ladies now. One of the ladies is married while the other is a widow. Here, in Abuja, I’m currently taking take of 3 ladies, 2 are single rich ladies while the other one is married but her husband lives abroad.”
“Can I ask you something” he added
“Shoot”
“Are you married?”
“No”
“Ah better”
“Why better”
“Because hide and seek is not a funny game, especially if I’m taking care of a lady whose husband or boyfriend is highly placed in Abuja”
“If you have all these women, why do you want to add another?”
“They are not enough”
“How so?”
“Well, they give me money and gifts but sometimes I see them only once in a month or 2 in some cases. Like the single ladies, they have boyfriends who are always around them. The married lady whose husband lives abroad is very cautious because she is a deaconess in her church. I need a regular”
The guy’s resume could fill 120 leaves exercise book o. His honesty was mindboggling too.
“Why not get a girlfriend”
“I have a girlfriend”
“You do?”
“Yes and I love her but she places a whole lot of demand on me”
“What kind of demands?”
“She wants human hair, bags, cloths, in fact she asked me last night after I climbed off her, when was I going to propose to her”
“What was your response?”
“I told her to hold on until I get a job”
“Would you want to marry her?”
“Yes”
“But she knows you don’t have a job, why does she make high monetary demands on you?”
“She knows I sleep with rich women and they give me money”
“So why don’t you get a decent job?”
“I’m trying. I have applied in many places and have gone for several interviews. I’m still awaiting their responses”
“Well even if I get a job or marry my girlfriend, I don’t know if I can stop seeing the ladies” he added.
“Why is that?”
“They treat me well”.
By then I opened my bottled water and took a sip, he followed suit.
“Enough about me, at least now you know I have experience unless you want us to go into the restroom so I can show you my Jack Thomas” he said smiling and angling his head again.
“That won’t be necessary” I said losing the smile on my face because I was about the burst his bubbles.
“What if I say I’m not interested?” I added.
“No nao, you can’t say that without trial nao”
“But I’m not”
“Why nao? Every woman desires to be taken care of”
“You mean every woman should engage a man for sexual coupling and lose her money? For what na?
“You shouldn’t see it that way”
“How should I see it?”
“See it as fun, as a pastime, as mutual happiness” he said while trying to hold my hand on the table but I retrieved it.
Knowing I have gotten enough to write this piece, I told him I was really not interested and I may have a friend or two who may be interested just to dismiss him. He took it lightly and said it was ok. Because it would be odd if I did not, I asked for his phone number and he handed me a complimentary card which read “SUPER BOY” in front and at the back “good treatment” and his two numbers. I refused to give him my phone number promising I would call him soon.
I paid for our water and we left the eatery. We parted ways after another awkwardly and unnecessarily prolonged handshake.
After taking few steps I turned back and saw him standing behind a very fair in complexion lady with abundantly blessed behind.
Things dey happen for Wuse Market.
Umunnem na Umunnam, bringing you this story cost 35mins of my time with a gigolo and N300. I need a refund. Nye num egom back.
Ogechukwu Ikwueme
(Nwanne unu Nwanyi)
(Nwanne unu Nwanyi)
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