I was out for lunch in a popular eatery in the city where I work.
The lady was truly beautiful. She had full face makeup, long nails, lovely hair ... Normal Abuja babe.
They queued up to order.
What caught my attention was the fact that the guy was speaking to her but she didn’t seem interested. She was facing West instead of East, towards the guy.
West was towards me so I could see her make faces as he spoke.
Their turn came.
The lady took the lead.
The guy was 2 steps behind.
Several customers were behind them.
“Give me 1 meat pie, 2 cups of ice cream, 3 sausage rolls, 1 pack of fried rice, chicken salad, 1 beef Shawama, fries, grilled chicken, medium pizza, 1 chivita juice, milk shake, 1 litre of coke and 1 litre of yogurt" she said while pointing towards where the items were located.
"Remember to add serviette, spoon and straw”
“Please make it 2 meat pies” she added.
The guy stiffened.
The customers behind adjusted their positions to get a better view of the lady placing the order.
Me, in my usual aproko manner, adjusted my seat so I could watch them while pretending to continue eating my already finished meal.
The attendant sprung into action.
The first set of packs arrived - fried rice and grilled chicken.
Second pack, pizza.
Third pack, chicken salad.
4th, 5th, ... 11th pack.
20 minutes later the counter was fully occupied with packs of food and drinks.
Seeing the full counter, I sensed the lady became uneasy.
The guy started fidgeting and looking back.
Ha! Today na today.
It was time to pay.
"Your total bill is N16,850" said the attendant
The guy didn’t make any move to pay.
“Didn’t you hear her”
“Eh?”
“Your bill is N16,850” the attendant repeated.
“I don’t have up to that oo”
“What do you mean?”
Umunnem na Umunnam, this guy dipped his hand into his pocket and brought out N1,500, handed it to the attendant and stepped back.
The lady rolled her eyes.
“So why did you bring me here if you know you don’t have money?”
“I’m coming”, he dashed to the car they came in, searched and found some money.
He came back, dropped it on the counter where the attendant had dropped the N1,500 and resumed his position – two steps behind the lady.
I was standing by then but I couldn’t see the amount he dropped.
The customers behind them, the other attendants and their customers were all watching with amusement.
“You are a fool” the lady shouted.
The guy said nothing.
“You are a big fool”
She then turned to the Attendant
“Can I return some of the items” She begged with a soft voice.
“I have entered it into the cash machine”
“Is there anything you can do to help me?”
“Let me call the manager”
She spent the short wait eyeing the guy up and down.
The guy’s head remained bowed
“What and what are you returning?” said the manager when he appeared
Of course already dished out foods were out on the question.
She returned the yogurt, coke, chivita juice, chicken salad, meat pies and sausage rolls.
Ping, ping, ping, ping ... the manager punched into the machine while doing the subtraction.
He finished and walked away.
“The total is now N7,950” announced the attendant.
The lady with a stone face removed all the money she had in her jeans pocket and hand bag, counted it regrettably and handed it over.
The attendant with a smile on her face, did her own counting including the guy’s money and said “its remaining N250”
It was almost 30 minutes since the drama started but none of the waiting customers complained. Some had smiles on their faces.
We were all being entertained.
She said something to the next customer and he handed her N200 note.
She collected it, thanked him and gave it to the Attendant who asked her not to bother with the remaining N50.
She collected the items and stormed out.
I followed them having finished my already finished meal.
Outside, while flagging down a taxi, they guy asked if he could take her home.
Onwero ife nmadu agha funa na Abuja.
Why girls dey fall their own hand nah? Why nah?
Ike gwu.
Ogechukwu Ikwueme
(Nwanne unu Nwanyi)
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