WHO FEELS YOUR PRESENCE? (PT 1)

Have you ever needed someone's presence before? Someone who would make you feel their presence by merely breathing or snoring when they sleep?

Do you know that unmistakable comfort you feel knowing someone is present in your life? Someone who may not be there with you physically but you still feel their presence on your skin anyway?

Can you remember how you felt when you sat alone thinking and wishing someone would call to check on you?

WHERE CAN I GET A PHONE FOR #350

My mum is 64 and since she started using GSM, she has lost or damaged 21 mobile phones.

I am tired.

I can't remember how many my brothers and I have purchased. They are just too many to remember.

I am tired.

I think my mum loses her phone three times or more in a year and because she is far from all her children, we replace the phone almost immediately she loses it so we can keep in touch.

I am tired.

JACK THOMAS?

If you are in Abuja or have visited Abuja, it is likely that you know Wuse Market. This market is located at the center of Abuja. Every commercial bus and cars all converge there as their last bus stop from various suburbs around Abuja.

Normal markets in Abuja are known mainly for buying and selling activities but Wuse Market is not a normal market. It is one of the most organized market in Abuja and is said to be reserved for the rich who are not fond of shopping in malls. This market is also known for the sale of trendy and glamorous items. Although buying and selling goes on there, there are other interesting activities that bring people there.

CHIGOZIRIM: THE MISSING STORY

In my penultimate post where I talked about Chigozirim and the pickle he found himself, I purposely left out parts of the story because I was really disgusted by them and didn’t want to disgust my readers. However, some of you wanted those parts so here you go:

After 2 years of misery, Chigozirim was enrolled into primary 4 at age 14 because he barely had any formal education and could hardly communicate in English, his classmates were below 9. His enrollment into school at the behest of Papa Collins who, regardless of how Mama Collins hid it, discovered that he had not been going to school. Chigozirim was not happy because that was not his dream, his dream was to become a trader, a successful one at that. However, because he had no choice, he could not complain. Enrolling him into school was not a big deal for Mama Collins, oya come and go the school nah!

THE SEARCH FOR IK

He was 5 years old when he got missing and my family was torn apart.

My immediate younger brother, Ikechukwu (the screwdriver) was a good spirited, gentle and smart lad. Still is. Although he was an introvert like dad, he talked more when he was around us than when he was around strangers. We fondly call him IK.

I had three siblings and we all lived together with our parents in Jos as one big happy family. Everything in our lives was hunky-dory until one cold Saturday morning after my mum fed us hot akara, bread and hot akamu. While eating the classic family breakfast, my siblings and I chattered away, laughing and telling several jokes like we normally do which always annoyed dad. He would always caution us that one should not be seen talking while eating, "nni ga agbado kwa unu" he would say. He had gone to work that

READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Chigozirim is the 3rd of 7 children who lived with their parents in their ancestral home in a village in Imo State. Poverty spoke loud and proudly in the family. His Father was a palm wine tapper while his mother was a palm oil extractor.

Because of the agonizing level of poverty the family experienced, none of the children could go to school except the eldest child, even the free community school could not take them because they barely had cloths on. They were always seen running around the village in their underwear.

I SLEPT WITH HER, I HAD TO DO IT

When my dad passed away more than a decade ago, I had to live on my own for a while before my mum returned from the village and my brothers had both returned to their bases. It is difficult to be alone when you lose someone close, but I had to because I had no choice.

When I returned to the house, I knew sleeping alone won't work. I couldn’t possibly sleep on my own because of fear, that was the same house we lived with dad,... no no I said to myself, nmara anonwu kwa sosom. I was also depressed. Even staying in the house alone during the day was wahala not to talk more of

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

On my way from work today, in the vehicle I boarded, a man was really angry and complaining to his friend how his wife spends most part of her day watching telemundo thereby leaving the house unkept and burning his food. He said "no be sey them dey learn anything for there". A woman beside him chuk her mouth for the matter and the following conversation ensued:

I WAS ATTACKED BY THE SAME GUNMEN

I don’t know how to explain the attack.

My yesterday’s story was about how Jude was attacked by four gun men. Umunnem na Umunnam, these same gun men came for me. Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it but I will try.

I wrote and finished editing that write up by 11:34pm the night before I posted (make u no think sey e easy to write o). After I was done, I was really tired and hungry but it was too late to eat so I drank water, prayed and went to sleep.

JUDE, MR & MRS AKANDE AND THE ARMED ROBBERS

Jude was like every other guy. 33, single, lived and ran his business in the city. He had friends he hung out with for drinks and chats.

On a particular day, some years ago, he was restless but couldn’t understand why. He couldn’t stay in his business premises and he couldn’t sit in a place for more than 10 minutes. He decided to look for any of his friends who was free to have a drink that afternoon but none was available. He went to his friend, Omone’s office to sit and chat with him for a while, even there, he couldn’t stay for more than 20 minutes.

SHE STOLE MY MONEY, GUESS WHERE SHE HID IT

Some years ago I visited a friend in one of the suburbs in Abuja and decided to make my hair in a salon like I usually do anytime I am in her area. Mama Margaret, the hairstylist and the owner of the shop is good which is evident in the number of compliment I get on my hair. In fact most times, I visit my friend for the opportunity to make my hair.

On the day of visit, I used an ATM before heading to the salon because I didn’t have enough cash on me. I withdrew N15,000.

On getting to the salon, it was filled with customers as usual because it was on a Saturday. The hairstylist was showing a lady sitting on a couch, different hair styles on her phone when I walked in. I found a space to sit on the already crowded couch and waited for a little while before one of hairstylist’s apprentice was free to wash my hair. Like I always do, I dropped my bag on the couch and went outside where the shampoo bowl was located.

WHY I SMILE

You know how some people analyze smiling to mean hiding ones pains and life's stress, well I'll tell you some of the reasons why I smile all the time 😁😁: I smile cos I'm truly a happy person💃, I smile cos I have a big God, I smile to live longer, I smile cos it's easier to smile, I smile cos I probably just finished eating (banga)✌ yeah! I also smile to tell the devil who is in charge, I smile cos I can, I smile to make

THE PLANNED TO KILL THE OLD WOMAN

Mama Achalugo is a widow who lives in a village in Anambra State with her late younger brother's children. The children had no one who cared to take care of them when their parent passed away. Mama whose children live in the cities needed someone around her so she took the children in. After all, they are her brother's children.

Mama is a strong old woman. She is popularly called Nwagbogho in the village because she looked 50 even though she is 75. She sells perishable food even though her children cater for her and the orphans.

THE WAY WE FASTED

It's fasting period.

Almost every church in Nigeria (I don't know about the world) is involved.

Pastors hammering on the need to get involved.

The benefits and what u stand to lose.

Some threatening their members with "you are not a complete christian if u don't fast and pray", "God will not answer your prayers if u don't fast" ...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU WOMEN

I was out for lunch in a popular eatery in the city where I work.

I was half way through my meal when a good looking young man and a beautiful lady walked in.

MY YOUNGER BROTHER TRIED HIS HAND AT INVENTION AT 12

Ikechukwu.

My only surviving brother.

Smart guy.

A sophomore in secondary school.

He came home from school one day and said "Ogee let me tell you what happened in school today"

200L, I wrote a course in my pee.

200L, I wrote a course in my pee.

2nd semester

Political Science

Good course.

Interesting course.

I WAS BODY SHAMED

Someone looked for my trouble some time ago.

Me, Ogechukwu Ada Joe Ikwueme was body shamed. Ha!

I live and work in Abuja. I don’t live in the city centre and I don’t have a car.

CHIOMA, MR AGBOLA AND WEST AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL EXAMINATION (WAEC)

Chioma was a young girl with dreams and aspirations one of which was to study Banking and Finance or Mathematics because she was good at maths and thereafter work in the finance industry in Nigeria. She had these dreams even when she knew she was a science student. She also knew she had to study hard to achieve these dreams.

At age 16, Nwaebele (merciful child) as she was fondly called by Nnè, experienced the most heartbreaking situation a child with her aspirations could ever experience. It happened when she was in SS2 in one of the Missionary Schools in the city she lived with her Nną and two brothers. With pain in his eyes,

MY HOLY GRAIL FACIAL CLEANSER - GRACE

Hi guys! I’m serving the only thing on the menu today, my fresh bare face. I have been working on my skin to get and keep it glowing using different products, some recommended while others first trials. Most of them worked and others did not. Some time ago I purchased the most glorified high end Thayers Witch Hazel in Rose Petal which is said to cleanse, tone and smooth the skin but the result on my face was horrific. I had the worst kind of rashes I have ever seen on someone’s face after using same for only 3 days.

MAKEUP IS MY THING

I have said it many times before using different platforms - Twitter, facebook, instagram etc. I even said it live on air. I don't know how and where else you people want me to communicate this. Unuacho kam butelunu nmanya? Haba! Especially those of una wey dey live for Abuja with me. Now hear it again, I AM A MAKEUP ARTIST OOOOOOOOO.

JUST TO SAY THANK YOU

Ndi banyi ekene munu oo.

This morning ee, I don’t have any story to tell and I dey jobless, so I decided to take some time to list and appreciate my fans, friends and followers on facebook, twitter, instagram, blog, etc.

From the list below, you know yourself.

God bless you all.

“Likers”, “commenters” “likers and commenters”, Atiku, monitoring spirits, people I don’t know, people I know, people I don’t know but they know me, crushers,